plz talk dirty to me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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