benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
