I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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