I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
