he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize