people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
