I cut my penus on the lid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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