All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
