we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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