Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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