He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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