apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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