Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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