Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
