She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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