There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
