Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
