you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
