I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
