Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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