I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
