Buhtt sex?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
