My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my liver is dry heaving
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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