just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
