Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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