Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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