just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
