girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
