I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
