Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
