How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
