Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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