I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
