ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
