Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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