Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize