The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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