Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
