i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
