Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
