Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
