There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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