Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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