I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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