I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
