Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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