Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
