i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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