im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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