Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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