His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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