i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
