so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
barbara walters just said penis...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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