I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
