proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
