I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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