I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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