just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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