That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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