One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
