We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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