Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You need a sexual gate keeper
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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