I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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