Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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