Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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