He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize