what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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