let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
