He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Even my vagina gasped.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
