The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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