Swine flu. Run for my life!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
