we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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