She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You may now shotgun with the bride
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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