Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
