i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
