My hand turned me down
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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