Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
