honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
