Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
