Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
