He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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