Can i not drive my cunt home
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize