I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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