just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize