You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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