Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
