i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
