I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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