my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
