We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
