Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
