Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
