Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
