He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
