You work out of a Hotel?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
