I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
