I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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