im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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