Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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