she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
