does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The best revenge is premature balding
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
