Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
