your thong is hanging out like whoa
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the day after is always just damage control
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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