We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
