i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
