Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
