the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Who died my cat blue again?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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