Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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