i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
