Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize