so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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