I have demons in me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
