She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
