help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
