im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize