smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
